My Approach

I prefer to engage clients in what I call "Responsibility Therapy," wherein I attempt to help people take the appropriate amount of responsibility for the appropriate aspects of their lives. Contrary to popular belief, problems often emerge when people are taking responsibility for the wrong things, not just when they aren't taking enough responsibility or too much.

Responsibility is an ever-changing balancing act that affects how we interact with others and how we take care of ourselves. We may disagree with others on what constitutes "appropriate responsibility", but we individually have spoken and unspoken rules that determine our idea of appropriate responsibility. Conflicts with the self can emerge if we do not believe we are meeting the expectations of our assumed responsibility. Conflicts with others emerge when they do not believe we are meeting our responsibility or if we do not believe that they are meeting theirs. Much of the internal and external conflicts of life often come down to problems of responsibility.

We may believe that one thing is our responsibility when it is not. A child or teen may act out because they believe that advocating their autonomy is their responsibility. A person may nag their spouse because they see it as their responsibility to "correct" the spouse's behavior. People struggling with anxiety often have difficulty letting go of responsibility for matters they have no power to control. Any of these examples and more can manifest themselves in presenting problems of therapy that ultimately come down to a misunderstanding or misappropriation of responsibility.

My role as the therapist is to help uncover what may be unspoken about responsibility and help people better understand what appropriate responsibility looks like in their lives. Next, I help clients address the barriers that may keep them from taking appropriate levels of responsibility, whether that involves peacefully letting go of priorities that are not their responsibility or developing habits that encourage taking appropriate responsibility in the right way.

It can be very easy for people to talk about responsibility in a way that leads to shaming and belittling. My style is to help clients feel comfortable to address such matters in therapy without feeling judged or belittled. I understand, however, that responsibility is a complicated concept that is almost impossible to execute perfectly at all times, and I attempt to impart that to my clients so they can engage in the work of understanding responsibility intentionally and productively.